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time for an update
Tuesday, November 21, 2006 @ 06:26 p.m. I kinda forgot about this blog. I have one elsewhere that I normally update. But I guess one needs to share the wealth. I have recently declared a history major and an art history minor. So, that's two majors now (studio art and history) and one minor (art history). I am going to be here for 5 years. That's okay with me. I have big plans. I want to study abroad my fifth year, and go to either Korea or Japan. :D And then after that, I'd love to do the JET program. And after that, I want to go on to get my MFA in painting. Whee! I'm so excited. I finally have some sort of a plan laid out. Granted, who knows if all of that will happen, but I want some of it to. I turn 21 tomorrow! How fun is that? Not very when your parents are stoic Baptists who despise alcohol. I will have to celebrate when I get back to college, I guess. I have recently become interested in 'the grotesque' as it were. Work by Jenny Saville and Alice Neel and Lucien Frued and Laurie Hogin and other artists whose figures are very much 'in your face' and full of tension is all very interesting to me. I don't know if that's the path my work will eventually go, but whatev. It's cool. Okay, that's enough of an update. we'll carry on Wednesday, September 13, 2006 @ 12:29 a.m. Been a while. Took a break from this blog to explore other blogging options, which in the end, obviously didn't work out cuz I'm back here. The new My Chemical Romance song, "Welcome to the Black Parade" while straying from MCR's typical sound and sounding a lot like poppy punk, is growing on me. I've been forcing myself to listen to it, because great heavens, you can't reject your favorite band because of one song, right? (pfff) But yeah, the song is now a favorite of mine, so to speak. I hope the album is good. And I hope Best Buy is running some special deal on the day/week of the CD's release. Saving money is fun! (insert cutesy thumbs-up image here) I'm crazy busy. And I'm only going to get busier. This may sound like a negative, but I'm thinking it's a positive. It leaves me no time to mope and get depressed! What a wonderful thing. Speaking of busy, I have a quiz on a bunch of bird species in Minnesota tomorrow. Not fun. Now I am one of those people who can spew bird names at you while we walk around outside. How exciting! I've decided this year that I like UMM. I like it a lot. Being here is so relaxed and friendly. I like that. I like that I can go to class in PJs and people don't look twice. I like that if I ask a random student for directions, he or she will gladly point me in the right direction, if they know it. I like that professors actually respond to my e-mails within a 24-hour period. I like that I can chill in the library until midnight. Damn, I'm tired. Good night. a blissful moment in the time continum Wednesday, August 23, 2006 @ 05:31 p.m. Let me tell you why I'm very happy right now... 1) I can manage this school year with NO student loans. 2) I only have 18 credits left after this fall. :) "Magnolia" stole hours of my life... Saturday, August 19, 2006 @ 04:22 a.m. Seriously, does anyone else think that Beyonce N.'s voice is annoying? I cannot stand the timbre of her voice. It's like some weird high pitch whine with bad ennunciation. Eck. ...and that's all I really have to say at the moment. Dell almost made me crap my pants. Tuesday, August 15, 2006 @ 03:23 p.m. currently reading: Gilead by Marilynne Robinson So apparently Dell is recalling some of the batteries they sent out with some of their new computers. I guess a customer's computer blew up on him or her? The battery overheats. Anyway, I went to the website (dellbatteryprogram.com) to check it out. My batteries are safe! I won't be "spontaneously" combusting any time soon. Whew! I just woke up at 2 PM. I went to bed sometime around 4 AM? I had a dream about a giant lizard (like the one in the Doritos commercials) that was attacking my neighborhood. I took my dog and hid in the closet. :D Hahaha... Win and I saw "PULSE" on Sunday night. Seriously THE WORST movie ever. EVER. Well, it doesn't beat out "Monsturd" (haha) but it's close. I just wanted the movie to end. The plot was muddled. This "virus" ghost was just between the first five characters, and then the next thing you know, the whole world is wiped out from the virus! There's a plane crashing into the ground and blowing up! What the fuck!? It was pathetic. And there's one scene where this girl puffs out into ash and disappears! Hahahah! Funny, not scary! I should see the original Japanese version of the movie. It's probably better...but who knows...but whatever you do: DON'T GO SEE THIS MOVIE! It's a headache. In other events...just packing up my stuff to go back to college. cheating isn't faster Friday, August 11, 2006 @ 12:58 p.m. Do we so passionately hang on and obsess (either publicly or privately) over our physical looks because in reality, that's all we really have? Or at least, until we discover some talent or mental ability that leads us to the conclusion that our bodies don't matter as long as we have that? Why are people supposed to change so suddenly? In short stories, despite most of their fictitiousness, most characters change due to some thing that happened to them. I don't believe that happens to most people. If there's any change caused by some traumatized event, it is usually only a temporary change, because we are creatures of habit. There are, of course, exceptions...like someone coming back from war. Humans are full of contradictions and hypocrisy. So is...ultimate humanity strictly saying what you do and doing what you say? Or is some divine innocent benevolence like Jesus Christ? Or is hypocrisy really not something to pivot humanty around. Is humanity merely not being like "the beasts?" Why is "being nice" the epitome of human character? I don't see "being nice" as "being polite." Politeness is a public act. A mean person can be polite, but still be mean. For me, "being nice" means being...thoroughly polite, inside and out, publicly and privately. I prefer being polite and not "being nice." Nice people, really really nice people, piss me off. What's there to be so nice about? I'm slowly deciding to become an athiest. Church is a waste of time for me. I don't like the people. I don't like the hypocrisy and the fakeness and the over zealous rites and ceremony. And I despise how people try to make church "fun." Sneaky, they are sometimes. Let's have cookies! Let's have a rated-G video! Let's have a rated-G music band! Besides that, I don't know if I believe in any sort of a god. I see us as a bunch of ants, living day to day, until we die, and our bodies rot in the muck of the earth. Gods, religion, and all that seem to be something we "made up" so we could blame and glorify something for our fears and joys. I'm already going to rot in hell if it exists, at least I'm not pretending. Actually, maybe I'm more of a nihilist. ...god doesn't exist? O_O Tuesday, August 8, 2006 @ 11:42 p.m. currently looping these albums: 30 seconds to mars, Imogen Heap, Blue October I concluded today that the thief(s) who stole my car stereo face plate also stole my one-of-a-kind-hand-painted-by-me CD holder case thingy that was in my car. It irked me. And so with the contribution of my mother's funds, I went to Target and bought a new one, among other things. I have yet to discover that said CD holder case thingy is in Morris...probably. I think I packed it away with college stuff, but I am not sure. But with the new CD holder case thingy, I slapped some gesso on it and promptly painted on it. So now I have a new CD case that is also one-of-a-kind-painted-by-me. It features a caucasian woman, wearing sunglasses, looking 3/4 at "us" and listening to her iPod with silhouettes of trees in the background. Not entirely original. But much better crafted than the last painting I did on the assumed stolen CD case holder. So I feel good about myself because I still have some sort of creative juice in my veins, despite this wicked summer. I also bought a journal today. It's a spiffy journal, with a sort of crawling leafy Bourgeoise pattern. I think it's made out of recycled cardboard. There's a sticker on the back that says it's an "individual" journal with a "unique" pattern "handcrafted" from "artisans" in India. I don't really care, I like it. It's line-less. It's rough paper. It's...fancifully rugged. I don't know what I want to write in it yet, but eh, that will come in time. I've recently been reacquainted with the Perry Bible Fellowship comics. You can visit the website [ here ]. Here are some links to some of my favorites: "Food Fight" - read I think they're friggin hilarious. :) scholarship Monday, August 7, 2006 @ 12:56 p.m. Despite all the suckiness of the summer depiste all the money I didn't get to make this summer despite all the nagging of my parents and despite the dirty looks the blonde girl at Hollister shot at me and my cousins... I just recieved $1000 for my sophomore year accomplishments and an essay I wrote. TAKE THAT, WORLD! And might I clear up this: I do not shop at or wear Hollister clothing (I have many issues with it). I walked into the store with my little cousin who likes their clothing. But seriously, what the fuck? I could've been an heiress who would buy up their stock. Stupid prejudiced bitch. Rich people aren't always beautiful and thin and richly attired... The Remains of the Day a.k.a. "later" So it's happening. The first of my high school friends is getting married. She and I weren't really close friends, but we had classes together and talked n stuff. I bought some of that Bare Minerals make up. I think it's great. I was offended when my cousin thought I gave head and was sleeping around. I am doing neither. I feel gross. an eclectic point of view Friday, August 4, 2006 @ 10:25 p.m. currently listening to: 30 seconds to Mars -- A Beautiful Lie album This weekend I'm going to "the cities" with my mother, three aunts, and three cousins. We do this every summer. We all go away for a weekend and get a hotel room and just...do girl time, I spose. This time, I'm not really looking forward to it. Last weekend, my mother, one aunt, and two cousins of mine went to Stillwater to antique shop and just...do girl time. That was really nice, save for the 101 degree heat. I'm hoping this weekend isn't nearly as hot. And I'm hoping I have enough patience and stamina to be nice. Being nice takes a lot of effort for someone like me, whose 'normal' demeanor isn't nice or friendly. I don't smile a lot at people, partly because I don't like my smile, and I don't feel gold enough (yes, gold) to contract my facial muscles because I'm "supposed to." I guess it's nice to get together with my female relatives I don't see all that often. But our weekends usually consist of us shopping like MAD, and then going back to the hotel room where we (my cousins and I) do things that make our mothers laugh and gasp negatively. Seriously, my mother told me to "never talk about that again" when I said I'd be a good hit person in the mafia. Oh, I'm such a sinner. *eye roll* When I get out on my own, I'm going to rub my cleavage in her face and drink wine in front of her and swear like a sailor. (We all know I'm not going to do that...but it sounds nice. Ha! "Nice.") I just pray to god that we're all in a good mood this weekend. Pissiness brings the whole weekend down. I think I'm afraid of 'men.' I avoid looking at them when I walk by them. I avoid even breathing around them. I wil go to a female cashier over a male cashier. They make me uncomfortable. I was at the boardwalk tonight with my cousins and our dogs...and some guys said "cute dogs" to us in a very friendly way. I just kept on walking and didn't say a thing. What a bitch, huh? *shrug* Guys just freak me out. I have no interest in them. Most of them come off negatively to me -- sexist alcoholic pigs. Most of the guys I know are good friends whom I wouldn't "swing that way" with or gay. I haven't really met anyone worth while in that department. Any attempts in the last few years have always been in vain. But I'm not really an Outgoing Man Pursue-er. I hate needy, audacious chicks like that. "Hey baby, here's my number. This is the hours my legs are open. Oh, and when we become a couple, I'm going to want to hang out with you every night and call you twice a day." Ew. You do realize that behind this 'facade' there's a very angry, angsty, unhappy, insecure, shy girl, right? I miss having some sort of a "Male Ear" connection. I miss my bens. I miss writing to one and calling the other one on the phone to talk about whatever came to mind. Of course, that was long, long ago. But I miss that. It was 'healthy' for me to get a male's perspective on things. A heterosexual male. Although, I find gay men very entertaining. But that's another story. In other news, my dad's revealed his jerk face yet again. Who blows up at someone for using a plastic bag? Kristen! Do you know how expensive those are? Don't use those! Do you want to pay for them? I don't think so! I remember once he had that same reaction to me using too many paper towels. He also got ornery with my mother because she didn't remember to take the beans out of the freezer to thaw before dinner. My dad's not a mean beast of a man. But he can be a jerk when his fuse is short. Oh yeah, and this is the good part. I don't know if he ever realizes how jerkface-ish he can be, or if my mother has to hint at it to him, but when and if he does, he tries to make up for it. He uses this slightly light, higher tone in his voice and is extra nice. Like, for example, tonight, I went to clean out the dog kennel (this is where this whole plastic bag scenario stemmed from -- I was going to create a makeshift plastic glove with a rubber band and an EXPENSIVE ziplock bag) and when I went to dump the bag of dog shit into the garbage can, he cheerily asked, "Did you get lots of poop?" Yes, laugh if you want. And then after that, he was just nice, nice, nice. Even went as far as to give me the history of the paint tarps we folded up in the garage. ("They used to be Grandpa Louie's from when he worked at the courthouse...blah blah blah."). I don't understand him. He's always been my dad, but not really. It's like he doesn't even attempt to 'get to know' me. But he feels he can have these bouts of fatherlyness, especially after he realizes he's been a jerk about something. It pisses me off. Once, he wanted to know what was bothering me, and I told him I didn't want to talk about it, and he got mad. I don't talk to my dad about my problems. I got to mom with those. My mother always reassuringly tells me that "Your father cares about you very much." And I believe her to a degree. But my mother is famous for making excuses for people. She could be the Saint of Kind Defense. Anyway, I've exacted my revenge on my father as thus: I'm not going to drive him around when he's a senior citizen and can't drive himself. My parents and I are pretty close. But they make me want to commit suicide and leave a guilty note sometimes. They've always hinted at my ungratefulness. I think there's some master plan hidden behind their parenting skills where when they're senior citizens, they believe my brothers and I will return all the kindness they bestowed upon us. Well, maybe my brothers will. I won't. But I'm just an ungrateful daughter, remember? That won't change. And I'm just the selfish youngest child who whines and does well in school... there is salt in my sugar Wednesday, August 2, 2006 @ 11:15 p.m. currently watching: "Unfaithful" on TBS I am not an avid fan or reader of "Parade" magazine, but I found this excerpt from the "Ask Marilyn" section to be...interesting... Please settle an argument. My friend believes that if you take a single vitamin, you will be just a little healthier than if you never had taken one. Or if you park a car inside a garage only two or three times, its body will be in better condition than if you hadn’t, even if the difference is so small you can’t see it. His reasoning is that something is always better than nothing. I disagree. What do you think? —Gary Manata, Carlsbad, Calif. This caught my eye, because if I believe Marilyn's "philosphy" then I've wasted so much time in my brief 20 years here on earth. How many times have I half-assed something and exclaimed that "something's better than nothing." Is there really no point in doing something if there's not some sort of gratification in the end? Results are the only thing to strive for? There's a problem with that though, because all results aren't instant. All results aren't even visible to the human eye. But then when you take Marilyn's stance...it's true, that many time-consuming little actions and recommended things are tedious. Life is short. But we don't necessarily believe that. We still live day to day. It makes me rethink my living. I went to bed at 5 AM last morning and woke up at 1:30 PM this afternoon. I've had a headache all day. I've felt a bit nauseous. I think it's because of my weird sleep pattern. My parents and I went to my brother's house this evening. My nephew is still young enough to be capable of unconditional adoration, but he doesn't talk too much, so there are no unending questions. It's a nice balance. I think he will be a reserved, methodical, intellectual bookworm when he grows up. Much like his father, but without the loud mouth and argumentative attitude. I really love my little nephew now, but I fear the future... Why do people think Diane Lane is so gorgeous? How come men are allowed to be fat and ugly, but women aren't? Obese men aren't talked about, but obese women are. It's okay for society to tear down fat women, but fat men can star in house hold cleaning commercials. I don't understand this. if left to their own devices...they would just eat Wednesday, August 2, 2006 @ 01:25 a.m. currently reading: "All is Vanity" by Christina Schwarz My blog was getting so long I decided to archive my entries. If you want to check them out, go [ here ]. There are some old ones from 2004 in there somewhere. Creepy, huh? I've expanded my book collection. I went garage saling and book shopping last weekend. My new books include Unmentionables: A Brief History of Underwear, The Blind Assassin by Margaret Atwood, Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides, and an encyclopedia of animals. En total, I think have about twenty more books. Which is awesome. I hope to be able to have a mini library in my house someday with either built-in bookshelves or wall-to-wall bookshelves. I just want an abundance of bookshelves in one area. I want to be able to say to my friends and family, "You need a book to read/movie to watch? Just go browse around my library." Mwahaha, sweet. And in honor of my "new" books, I made a bunch of bookmarks. They're collage-y and fairy tale-ish. The book I'm currently reading is about a woman who quits her job to pursue becoming a famous author. She is very pretentious and she knows it. I hope her "voice" changes, because hearing her subtle arrogance scramble across the pages is starting to get annoying. But besides that, this book inspires me to want to write a novel. I don't know what it would be about. I have a lot of started story ideas to draw from...who knows? I've been getting along with mother very well lately. It bothers me... I have designed the floor plans and room layouts for my 'dream home.' It will cost me a lot of money. And it's a single person pad. Maybe I will be lucky enough to marry a man who really, really adores me and will fund my dream house without complaint. |